four.

ruby nicole.

when i think of you. i think of your LONG (your hair is almost as long a rapunzel's!), whispy, blonde, and often messy hair. i see it snarly because of your loathing for brushing it out. i am glad that i am ok with letting you have that snarly hair. i think i will miss it when you are out of the house more. i will miss it when you learn to do your own hair.

i think of the softest, delicate skin. your nose. your complexion. your mole on your thigh. i love that your skin is so perfect. i think of your bright, blue eyes. they are so big. they seek knowledge and i love that. you are constantly excited and looking forward to getting more out of every experience. i think of your lips. those big ol' red lips. i love the words you speak out of those big lips. you are getting so smart and using words that i think you are much to young to use like; ginormous, schedule, exactly.

you are good at so many things. being a big sister is at the top of the list though. you love your bro. he loves you too. and though at times it's SO annoying to have to share everything with him. you do such a good job. you take care of him better than i ever expected. this year, this challenge of having a new baby and part of our family. you have risen to that task and made sure to be the best big sister you could be. i love that you are concerned for him. you want him to be comfortable, happy and you love to make him laugh.

i am sorry you broke your leg. it was such a silly thing that has really impacted us. i am proud of you for enduring it well. you are good on your one foot. we have had so much fun learning together and practicing preschool together. thank you for being patient with mommy as your teacher. it's probably annoying to have to stare at the same face everyday. but you are doing so well. your letters are coming along so well. i have never been more proud of anything then when you know how to write your letters.

my blessed life.

i found out this week that one of my dearest friends has cancer. it's a little crazy to think that someone my age could go through a trial so large.

it reminded me of the feelings i found during conference though. i kept thinking that the gospel makes you happy. it provides a way to face these trials. so that as you go through them, they don't even seem like trials. they just seem like that is life.

i know that is how my friend is. her personality is so strong and faithful. i have no doubts. her future is pointed towards the temple. her family. her sweet baby. her husband. they are eternal. and that route though hard. will be on course. it's like sister reeves said, though the details of your story will be different. the principles will be the same.

the meaning of writing this is to show gratitude for the life that i live. i am so happy it's finally fall. i wait all year for fall. because i love it so much. it's also such a fun time now with TWO babies born in the fall and our anniversary. it's a kickoff to the holidays. and football season. there are so many things i love about fall.

the only difference i have felt this fall is that it shows that time is passing. as much as i love this season. it also makes me look at my beautiful, blonde, happy, determined, smart daughter. she is going to be four soon. four is much too old for me. i think that i should only have babies, never four year olds. i am lucky to have these fall babies, i get to keep her with me for the rest of this year and not send her to kindergarten until the following september. the benefits. my energetic, patient, obedient, calm, chubby baby is going to be one. one is old. one is not a baby. one is almost the age you go on a mission. at least that is how it feels. with time passing so quickly, i am pretty sure i'll be a grandma in three days.

nic is working hard. and for some reason that is the thing we constantly thank heavenly father and of course nic for. for his hard work. his stamina in waking up morning after morning for another work day. though nic enjoys his work and his career. i also feel like there is so much more to nic then that he works hard for his family.

he is so tender. he loves me so perfectly. he is never loud. he has such a tender way about him. he is so determined and driven. not just in his work but in the future of our family. he has high hopes for our children. he has dreams that are as big as the sky. these things are the things i am thankful for as well. i am thankful for his un-relentless teasing and poking of the baby. that he plays horse with sweet ruby and praises her drawings and accomplishments. i am grateful for when he knows i need food or sleep or a tub. i am grateful he makes that happen for me.

our routine of life is perfect here in las vegas. it is a learning experience but i see progression each and every day. i love trying and making goals and evaluating. it's one step forward and two steps back. but it's something. the days are looong. and i am not alone in this. i know it, because every talk about motherhood reminds me that others have been through this. i don't want to hurry it. because i need and desire to treasure these moments with my babies.

our home is warm and inviting. it's always messy. never is it clutter free anymore. the dishes, the laundry, the toys. they pile up. no matter how hard we try and keep things looking neat. that is ok. i am learning that there are much more important things in life then putting away the paper and crayons every hour after ruby has drawn me a masterpiece. sometimes those papers and crayons get more use if you let them sit out on the counter all week.

i am homesick. i feel an ache for the crisp weather, the familiarity of my surroundings, my momma, chic-fil-a and the things i love about utah. but, that is ok. it's good to miss where you've been. i ached for wisconsin for months after returning home. i still think of wisconsin and my heart beams with love. i hope i always love utah any my home of so long. but that doesn't mean i won't or cannot love las vegas. i am happy here. we are happy here.

it's nice being together the four of us. on an adventure.

my life couldn't be more blessed. i could be a lot better. but my life is great and i need to remember that. instead of insisting on what we lack ie: cornbelly's, new make up, more decorations. be satisfied and committed to the now.

our week: hello october

the best part of utah is the fall.

the best part of the year is october.

i live in las vegas.

to say i came down with depression this week, would be an understatement.

i also had a fever. and a sore throat. and puked, all week. it's been real fun.

needless to say today i am dressed. and my hair is done. and i'm wearing makeup. which means that today has been a great success.

church was actually wonderful. we are learning to love the ward. and learning that every ward and place you go has it's funny quirks, but you learn to love them. you learn to miss them and find that they make things good. we miss the founders park we miss the fox pointe and we will one day miss the windmill.

we have a calling as the youth sunday school teachers. this is a happy thing. i love the youth and i love teaching. the thing i love most is my nic and so teaching with my companion of choice, has many benefits. we are a funny team and i like that.  the youth are great. it's everyone 12-18 and that means we have to teach everyone on their level. it's a challenge. but it is exciting as well. the teaching helps us have our personal study focused on the same thing and that in turn makes our companion and family study more focused. i feel like one of my trials in studying the gospel is that there is so much. i often feel overwhelmed and that makes it hard to focus on one topic. so we are now focusing on the youth themes together.

sunday's are so calm and relaxing. weekends in general are now that we are completely moved in and have no where to go. it couldn't be better for nic and i. we tend to be busy bodies and i cannot tell you how many saturday mornings we plan to run on errand and leave and not get back until after dinner. it's been a fabulous relief to us. we love being with our little family, these moments are special and it's great to treasure them up.

by sunday night the fever and chills had really struck me and nic tried to take the best care of me he could. but he isn't one for taking care of people after 10:30pm. he's a bit of a machine so having nic do anything from 10:30-6:30 is usually a lost cause. but he did try and for that i'm thankful. he always worries when he wakes up and says i tried i promise i tried. the little cutie.

my kiddos were fabulous and just helped me have a lazy day. i am always amazed at how good my kiddos are and grateful. always grateful.

i told nic there was no way i could feed the missionaries. our house was in shambles and so he took bro out on a date with the elders. sis and i watched movies. and enjoyed a little gal time. she was very disappointed that dad did not take her!

time.

it's hard to believe that it's been a year since i was treking across the UVU parking lot. running out the door nearly everyday to drop rubes off at preschool or kids on the move. it was busy and long and tiring to my very pregnant body. i actually thought it might NEVER end. but guess what? it ended. and i'm now cleaning up after a wild and crazy baby boy and a gimp, my broken legged ruby.

i feel like this is a constant trend in life. just feeling very much like this will never end. but in all reality these little things end, so very quickly.

i got sad about that today, when nic and i were talking about potty training fitz. he's only ten months old. but rubes was potty trained around 18 months, which means i only have eight months to change diapers. yes, i can see the benefits. but i love my guy, i love my baby. and i don't want him growing any faster than he is. but i'm pretty excited that we are over the diaper hill (for now!)

there is no question that this is going to be the story of my life. especially over this holiday season that is about to begin. it always starts with back to school time. it's almost rubes birthday, fitz birthday, our anniversary. it's just a time of fresh starts.

we have had a little more of an adjustment than i ever imagined. i loved the idea of moving out of utah and the grand adventure it would be. i was gung ho about it since the beginning and wanted to get as far as fast away from utah as possible.

today i am learning that there is more to moving away than the great adventure. i am missing the silliest of things. but i am missing them. hospitals, doctors, and preschools being the very top of my list.and do not even get me started on the fall weather. turns out i don't care about the hot vegas summers. bring them on. just shoot me in the foot and send me to utah (or preferably door county, wisconsin) for september, october and november!

we have made adjustments and things are going good. with time i know i will laugh at this trial. i will get used to cleaning this bigger house. to not having my mom babysit for anything and everything i might need. and i will maybe enjoy the brisk weather in january instead of freezingness. maybe march warmth. i can take the cold through march.

Ruby's Broken Leg.

On the Wednesday, we were kinda having a busy day of cleaning and making sure the house looked good after Grandma and Grandpa left. I was washing clothes and mopping floors. We had plans to have the missionaries over for dinner at 6pm. Around 3pm I was switching the loads in the washer when Ruby started jumping off the stairs. I knew she'd been doing it, and i thought it was awesome. She was so brave, which is one of the things I like the most about her. She is fearless.

She had jumped a few times and I was watching her, cheering her on. The last jump she landed and instantly went to her knees. I knew immediately something was wrong because Ruby is really really tough, and the fact that she was in this much pain was my signal that she was hurt. I picked her up and sat her on the chair and called Nic to tell him he needed to come home because we had a broken leg. Ruby suggested that we say a prayer, and asked that I say it because she was crying too hard. It was so cute that she remembered to ask Heavenly Father. I called Shelissa and Terah and told them about her leg, what it looked like and the pain. Both of them said she needed to go to the ER because it was broken.

I decided we needed to shower because who knows the next time we would all be clean. I'm turning into Nic, it's rather weird. So we piled into the shower and I washed Rubes hair and body and laid her on my bed. I gave her some ibuprofen, raised her leg and put ice on it. She was miserable, crying like crazy and just in so much pain. I was able to bathe bro and I and got ready for what I knew would be a long night.

I kept calling Nic and he was taking his sweet time thinking we were just being dramatic. He came home and I was on the phone with the insurance because Terah suggested we make sure to go to a pediatric ER. Nic was going to give her a blessing and thought she should move chairs. We were like her leg is broken man, just give her the dang blessing. Unfortunately, I was not in the bedroom because I was talking to the insurance (they finally picked up!) when he gave her that blessing. She seriously calmed down almost immediately and told her dad that the pain was a little better.

Getting her to the car, and then driving to the hospital was horrible. She was just in such pain and her little leg was dangling there because there wasn't much support and nothing we could try made it feel better. We got in really quickly into the ER, got her registered and took her back to her room. Then she was ready to go home. We waited for almost THREE hours. It took an hour to see the doctor. She walked in and said, well she needs an x-ray. We were like, no duh! Her leg is broken lady. So an hour later they give her an x-ray. By then it's almost 9pm and Bro has had it because he usually goes to bed between 6:30 and 7. So, after switching chairs and kids and chairs and kids we decided Nic would take him to the car and drive around so he could sleep. I held Ruby and we about fell asleep when the doctor opened the door. It's broken she said. I was like, yes...I KNEW IT WAS BROKEN, I JUST CAME FOR YOU TO PUT A CAST ON IT.

Well, she didn't. She wrapped it in an ace bandage and suggested we call the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. I was so frustrated. Ruby broke her leg at 3pm. We could have just drove to the orthopedic surgeon that minute. But we didn't. We went and sat in the ER for three hours for them to wrap an ace bandage around her leg. So, we decided we were quitting Las Vegas. All Ruby wanted was Taco Bell. So after waiting forever at CVS because the script the doctor wrote, didn't actually exist at any Las Vegas pharmacy we stopped at Taco Bell and went home.

She was starving, tired, and still in a lot of pain. We got her to bed and she woke up about every three hours in pain. So we decided to go to an orthopedic surgeon. my baby girl! she was in so much pain. it took quite a few calls to find someone willing to see her that day. most places were scheduled a couple weeks out. but we took her in and found it what we already knew, BROKEN! she chose a pink cast and is feeling like a big bum sitting on the couch all day. luckily gram scoobs sends a package every single day. spoiled rotten.

i am so lucky.

the other night while nic and i were up watching tv, i read a blog post, aloud that i stumbled upon on my fb feed.

the post was about a kitchen update and how the blogger was actually happy with what she had. she didn't need the latest and greatest of everything.

i have some of the latest and greatest and i'm living in this brand spanking new, big ol, happy and beautiful home. but guess what... i still have some wants. and i still sometimes feel like what we have is not enough. isn't that funny what social media can do to you.

my life is good. and i don't want to compare it to others. the end.

girls camp 2014.

when we made this huge decision to leave our condo in daybreak to move in with my parents the one thing on my list of con's was that i would leave the founders park ward and my calling as camp director.

as lame as it sounds, i aspire to be camp director.

we had only been in the fox pointe for about two weeks when i got called to meet with brother hills. we went in and i was so worried. we were headed to the temple and i just was scared that i'd get called to be a primary teacher. it's just my biggest worry of all time. especially after subbing in primary as chorister for two weeks.

well. the lord knows me. the lord loves me. and he called me to be the second counselor in the yw presidency. i was thrilled. because i love the fox pointe. i love the young women's program. and most of all i love the young women. i found out later that kaylie had been called as the first counselor and jules was secretary. my life was made in an instant. it is one of the things that got me through the six months living with my mom and dad. it kept me close to the savior and it kept us going to that ward instead of traveling around.

camp was just two and a half weeks after we moved, but kay moved to cedar anyway. so there was no excuse for not driving up and picking up my fav gal. we made it by tuesday night and unloaded. i caught up with my parents who begged me to bring the kids and  got ready for a busy and fun week at camp.

being at camp and not the director was a very different experience. i loved it. i loved not really having anything to do but dance and sing and chat with the girls. i didn't mind cleaning the bathrooms or doing the dishes. it was really just the best time with the best leaders and the craziest young women.

i love the smell of the campfire, the feel of the tents, the sound of the gravel. it is so nostalgic and the place i like being most in the world. i decided i think i actually like camping more than i like hotel rooms. which is a big deal if you know how much i love vacations.

the highlight for me was just laughing the whole week. being terrible on the zip line. my testimony is strengthened by these youth and leaders who are so committed to the savior. i hope that being around the youth helps me to be more like christ.

home.

after six months of being homeless we have settled in to our new home.

it's better and different than we ever imagined as we packed up our valuables in january. we imagined a small apartment in texas.

instead we have built a beautiful home filled much more space than our cute little condo and enough room to grow into the family we hope to have one day.

nic flew down to las vegas on wednesday july 23 to close. but waited for over three days to still not sign the documents. it was a little stressful for him and i. we were frustrated with the lender and the home builder for not defending us. but nic flew home friday evening without having signed anything. the flight was delayed and we got home around two in the morning. we were miserably tired and nervous for what the next week would bring.

we loaded the uhaul with the huge help of mitch, creed and cache. we were loaded to the brim. it was probably three before we were finished. i was exhausted emotionally and physically and i didn't really move much. i'm grateful that dommy lent us her storage unit. not only did it save us money but it saved us time. such a little blessing in our life.

we packed up and headed to nic's office to get his computer. i was tired, stinky and ready to give up and just move back into our condo. i cried for the whole two hours we were gone. saying goodbye to cary and jude was probably the hardest part of it all. that combined with a little note from kaitlynn tatton and an abrupt ending to a phone call with ricy made me mess.

my parents had a little bbq for us. tami, mitch, danielle and katy came over. it was special to have our family together and our sweet kara and rhett came to visit too. i knew we were going to be missed and i was ready to go. we cleaned the bedrooms and bathrooms and woke up at about six to head out. we were so excited to get to las vegas. my mom could barely get out of bed she was so sad. she just wanted one more minute, sweet thing. it was tender to leave my gracious parents and my kids are the luckiest in the world.

the drive was long and uneventful. except i drove nics work truck with fitz. ruby drove the uhaul with dad and we made it in under seven hours, including stops!

we ended up being in hte hotel for two days longer than we expected. we closed on monday afternoon, i was beyond frustrated.

tuesday we swam most the day then nic came and got us. we were debating on if we should make the run to costco and pleading with heavenly father (ruby reminded us to pray for what we wanted!) that we'd get the keys at least by that night. well... we decided to drive out to the costco and knew once we did they'd call. sure enough we were parking and my phone rang. which was weird since i'm not even on the home loan. so i answer and of course they say... it's time! your keys are ready.

so we speed through the costco and $800 dollars later (we missed our scoob!) we were headed home. so excited, so relieved, and so ready for the big day!

we got home and it felt scary and real and exciting. i think i was a little sad to kiss my hotels away. is that weird that i love hotels so much. but seriously, what can beat a maid, not cooking, and a swimming pool! guess i need to move in with the fresh prince.

we moved the beds inside and ended up going to bed pretty early.

the next morning the moving truck and movers arrived. they were a funny crew. we had previously talked to a guy from nic's mba class who owns a large moving company in the area. but, it turns out the last weekend in july is crazy busy for movers. so we were fitted with two older guys who were so funny. they were very strong, but just a little bit older. they were a little reluctant to move the boxes to the third floor. and they took a lot of breaks. but, they were kind and so helpful and got the job done very very quickly.

Cohort 13

See that little cutie second one in the top left. That's my husband and i'm pretty proud of him. 

Our original plan was to have him quit his job and start graduate school this fall hopefully in the great state of Texas. We rented out our condo, moved all of our stuff into storage, and moved in with my parents. Nic studied for the GMAT, wrote essays, and perfected his application. Just as we hit submit, Nic was presented with a wonderful opportunity and promotion with SGT. With the chance to earn an MBA at the same time. Nic loves his job, his company and the industry he's in and decided to take the offer.

It was for sure not the direction we thought we were going but with each step forward it feels like the place we should be. I am so excited for Nic and our family and the adventure that we are on. It's strange and hard when life doesn't go where you think it will and it ends up being where you need. The opportunity to build a new home, live, serve, learn, and work in the Las Vegas valley is one we are anxious to enjoy. Way to go Bubbah. You are the best.

me.

i have an uninterrupted weekend to myself. i am all alone in a hotel room. my dream. i have no kids, no husband (except in the evening!). room service. swimming pools. four books. and of course my laptop, phone and ipad. what the hell is wrong with me. technology is obsessive, don't you think?

one of the many things on my list of things to do when i'm not doing anything (i'm a list-er, ok!). is to blog. blog about life. our past, our future, my feelings, and of course my kids. but this whole weekend was supposed to be dedicated to flooring, me, and my marriage. here i am thinking about how dang great my kids are and how much i miss them.

what in the world is wrong with me? can't i ever just think about myself for like seven seconds. i know that i think about myself more than that. but really. i'm kinda getting bored. i want to go to the pool, but i get sad because i won't have my swimming machine with me. i want to take a nap but my boobs are too full of milk and i'd much rather feed fitz and take a nap then pump THEN take a nap. mommy woes.

if fitz or ruby ever read this blog in the future and think, my mom is a weirdo. they are probably right.


i am a weirdo. i am a lost soul. i don't know how to define me without being a wife and a mom and i find that pretty unusual.

so i will start by defining myself physically.

i am 5' 9" (even though nic thought i was at least two inches taller than that)
i have a chubby belly.
i like my legs and wish that i used them to run more often.
i have blue eyes, a big bottom lip and a very pointy nose.
i have stubby fingers and skinny wrists.
my ankles are smaller than my skinny wrists and sometimes i think i will collapse from carrying my body on such tiny ankles.
i like my hair short and blonde but sometimes grow it out (now) and dye it brown *yuck.
i don't pluck my eyebrows because it hurts too bad and always wait too long to get them waxed.
i wish i had teeth like dr. mcdonough teeth. i feel like i will make my kids go to him no matter what. best teeth ever.

i am not shy, but i have developed a little anxiety. all my life i made best friends everywhere i turned and now i kinda feel stressed meeting new people. more so i feel timid, which isn't like me.
i love to be happy and have fun. i actually feel like marrying nic has made me more thirsty for fun than ever before. he's taken all the red (power) out of me and made me motivated by fun.
i am obsessed with the color personality test and have been for about 11 years. i think about everyone by color and it's so weird.

i get really really really crazy when i'm hungry. it makes me think i am hypo hyper hypie glycemic or whatever because things get trazy. i cry, i yell, i sweat. it's a really rough life i live. just get me some food. it's gotten worst as i get older. it's like i never quit being pregnant and need that constant nourishment.

when i was little i had to have three meals (never snacks) a day. if we ate a late lunch or breakfast i would demand a third meal. i think this is where my above problem comes from.
when i said that i was a weirdo about meeting new people. there is one exemption from that rule. 12-18 year olds. i have a sick, weird obsession with young women and the youth in the world. i just like them. i am opposite of everyone when i say i'd prefer to teach middle school. give me some raging hormones, awkward brace face, i don't know if i should wear a bra or deodorant and i'm guaranteeing best friend status within a week.

i really really like being a mom. i get tired of it and i get impatient. but i think that having these two kids with me at all (or most) times is just the perfect antidote to me wanting to be everyones best friend. i love story time, bath time, pregnancy, dress up, tag, swimming lessons, i love it all. i never realized i would like it so much. but i really just enjoy my role as a mom. i like solving problems and working on different things. i enjoy sleep training, potty training, teaching rub letters and fitz how to crawl. i like it. i like being the one who knows how to fix them and i like the challenge of not knowing how to fix them and researching, praying, brainstorming and coming up with solutions that will make life better.

i love to cook. i really really like to make food for my family and friends. i like recipe books and blogs. i like grocery shopping and meal planning. it brings me this weird satisfaction. and i am pretty good at it. because cooking is actually easy, you just follow instructions. i don't like when i don't have what i need to make something i want though. then i like cafe rio.

i love using the last bit of anything. toothpaste, peanut butter, i love scraping it out. i never EVER would open two of the same thing. and when people do. it makes me go trazy (nic).

i want to be a runner. it's one of my life goals. really it's my goal to run a marathon by the time i'm 30. and i love it. i'm not good at it. i'm not consistent. but i enjoy it. i think it makes me feel like i'm a superhero.

when i love something, i get a little obsessive. i think about the things i like and i realize that it's pretty weird how much i like them. wisconsin, yw, girls camp, oakcrest, ice cream (not yogurt, not soft serve, but an actual scoop of ice crea!), tatziki sauce, pie crust, my little sister, the burton girls, leslie, my kids, my dad, my husband, netflix marathons, take out, eating in bed, summer, fake eyelashes, planning, pennant banners, pens, organization, long drives, the fall, hotels, vacations, disney, books, reading, social media, the gospel, the book of mormon, all things "mormon", my nanny, games, outside, camping, sales, new clothes, toms, wedge sandals, chambray shirts, pinstripes, side braids, water in a bottle.

my right eye is horrible. i can't see very well.

two bedrooms one bath.

i wanted to write down these thoughts of the experience of living with my parents. i cannot fully express how grateful i am to be born to these two sweethearts. they are generous beyond measure. the older i get the more i experience other parents and the more i recognize that i was given the cream of the crop.

even though i feel like this, there have still been funny and trying things that have come about over five months. can you even believe that i have lived here for five months. it seems like a lifetime ago that we had our own home. that we had a schedule. that we cooked out of our cabinets and fridge. that we laid on a couch and watched a movie together.

through this experience i have grown closer to my husband. the single greatest blessing of living with grandpa babaloo and grandma scooby is that they LOVE their grand babies. you've never ever met two souls who adore these babies of mine. we can't leave the house without the option of leaving our sweet kiddos. each time they leave the home they bring back a prize for ruby and fitz.

it is hard to shove everything we need on a day to day basis in the bedrooms.

my life in a hotel room.

i'm looking around this messy hotel room.

fitz didn't sleep last night, which is very un-fitz like. he loves his sleep. he loves food and sleep. those are his two loves.

ruby loves swimming and mom.

i love my family. i love that we are a team. i feel so complete and happy when the four of us are together. and that is why we drive twelve hours every week just to be together. it is worth it. it is worth not having a schedule, eating out of a cooler, and switching beds three times a night. because these babies and my guy are so worth it.

our house should be done in 46 days. we are counting. we are hoping it will be done sooner than that. we are hoping it's really 39 days. or 32 days. we are ready.

on tuesday we drove here, after ruby's fabulous preschool program. we grabbed cafe rio (which is right by our house) and drove to our construction site. it's drywalled. we were thrilled. we all kept saying it. even rubes, i can't believe the drywall!

we ran up the stairs and ate cafe rio on a blanket in the BRAG. it was fabulous and fun. i think it was one of the best dinners of my whole life.

i want to remember how happy i feel. i want to remember that this transitional period and the last six months were worth it. they have been filled with spiritual promptings and confirmations. they have lead us to the most perfect home. they have been exactly what we needed.

Fitz: Seven Months

my angel boy is seven whole months old. seven is big, it's bigger than six. and i feel like once we hit six months we're on a downhill slope of not being a baby anymore. heart broken mama over here. being a mom to fitz has refined me. it has made me better, happier and for sure helped me feel more complete.

we like to call fitz a series of names. kfj, mr. fitz, fitzaroo, the fitz, fitzharold, fitzarelli, bro, brobro, bubbah boy, boyfriend, the boyf, hubba dubba, buckaroo, my guy. oh how loved this boy is.

fitz is good to the core. he is so happy and calm. it's fun to be around him, but he's so even tempered that you might not even know he is there. when ruby was born people would tell us to watch out our good luck would run out with our number two. but, history has repeated itself and we have an even happier baby.

our guy loves a schedule. he loves mornings and wakes up around seven refreshed and happy and chatty. he just talks and talks and talks. we are so lucky! he then goes back to bed for a two hour nap around nine. he takes two more naps in the afternoon sometime. unfortunately because grandma's house life isn't very scheduled and we're usually finding excuses to be away. playing our running errands we don't always keep the same afternoon schedule. luckily fitz is adaptable. he isn't the best car sleeper and wakes up when we stop the car. his bedtime is early. he likes it that way. just around seven he rubs his eyes and squeels when we put him to bed. he loves his sleep. he'll sleep usually until five and then wants a boobie snack. but falls back to sleep quickly.

fitz other love is food. we didn't know he had it in him because he hasn't ever been a big nurser or loved the bottle. it was just what he needed to survive. but now, he lives to eat. he whines and whines during breakfast, lunch and dinner. oh man he loves him some yummys. i wish he had a favorite food, but he likes it all; babyfood, table food, or dog food. if it's edible. he wants part of it.

fitz loves his dad. they are born to be buds. i knew that from before my ultrasound at sixteen weeks. he loves when dad comes home and they usually spend thirty minutes together in the morning while dad gets ready and mom salvages her last minutes of sleep. he's kind of a guy's guy. he likes boys already. he wants to be doing whatever nic is doing, watching tv mostly, he loves babaloo's remote.

fitz looks to his sister all the time. he just loves her. he wants to play with her and play with her toys and be just like her. fitz obsession with ruby is for sure reciprocated. they are best buddies. she can't wait to get out of preschool, she loves waking up and running to her brother. they play pretty well together and only fight over ruby's toys because almost everything we own is in storage. they have to share the few toys that are at grandma's. fitz usually wins unless it's pink, ruby is not giving up her pink toys.

we will miss not living with babaloo and scooby. we get lots of time being held, rocked, snuggled and fed with four adults around. fitz is a pretty spoiled guy. my mom holds him when i make breakfast or lunch and my dad has him when i make dinner. it's a good life for the fitz.

though he loves his dad, sister, and grandparents. fitz is a genuine mama's boy. his first word was mamammaa. he loves me. he knows i'm who feeds him, changes him, bathes him, and takes care of him. it is pretty nice to feel appreciated. the other night we had a sweet experience that reassured fitz knew who his mama was. fitz hadn't slept very well for two nights. which is very un-fitz like. he was whinny and tired and mom had enough. nic had taken him at about four, but he was back to crying. i could here him and nic trying to get my attention, but i just kept thinking if i turn the other way and not move maybe i could get some extra sleep. finally nic threw an empty bottle at my back and i shot up. i grabbed my whinny baby and he stopped. instantly. he stopped. i bounced him for a minute thinking if i stop and lay down he will cry again. but he didn't. he slept right on my chest almost instantly. oh how i love my mama's boy.

fitz has two bottom teeth and the happiest grin you've ever seen. he loves sitting up tall and rolling around. he wants to crawl, but we're in no hurry to teach him. he is one of the happiest people i've ever met and is so friendly. we love our guy more than words can express. it's so fun to be part of his family.

i got it down.

the days when you feel like a great mom, a happy wife, and an accomplished human being are few and far between. at least for me. i doubt myself far too often. i look for the support and encouragement from others (especially my husband!). but i don't often think to myself, hailey, you have it down.

except this week. we have had a wild and crazy last four months. from ruby's birthday and being 35 weeks pregnant, to our anniversary, halloween, new baby fitz, thanksgiving, the holidays, finishing school up, christmas, new years, one calm week, vegas, deciding to move, packing, moving, and having two sweet sweet sweet young souls to feed, bathe, nourish, teach, love, etc... it's been a lot. i knew it was the perfect time to have baby because i had my life down with ruby. i kept up my house, i made dinners, i taught ruby, i worked out, we all slept.

so i knew during this chaos i had to keep going with the things that were working.

things that work at my house, DEEP cleaning your house every friday.

things that weren't working at my house.

bedtime.

moving into my parents house is an incredible, scary, life changing and generous blessing from both the lord, the hammonds, and my parents. we literally packed everything we own in two weeks and moved it to a storage unit (thank you dommy!). we took our clothes, mine and nic's bedroom set, our computers, and a few choice items to my parents (including toothbrushes!). but... my life is literally in a storage unit.

we moved in on friday night and had a whirlwind weekend of unpacking, projects, cleaning and our new ward. nic found out monday he was going to vegas tuesday. and tuesday was the longest day of my life. promise i looked at the clock every 12 minutes from 4pm until bedtime.

but i did also say a prayer.

basically... i have to do this. this is what i chose. this is where you've guided us. help me do it. show me how. show me and i'll do it.

but i already knew. i knew areas where i was lacking, areas i needed improvement, and a couple areas i was doing ok at. i told nic, if i want six kids i have to be the best mom i can be. if i want number three i have to take control and be on top of these two.

so i went to work. i enforced bedtime, five nights in a row. five nights in a row my children slept from 730/8 to 730/8. i scheduled playdates and ran errands that needed to be ran. i enjoyed being a momma and read more books in a week then i had in all of january. i sat on the floor. i curled ruby's hair at 7pm and put on lip gloss and blush because playing dress up is so fun and she'll only be three years old for twelve months. and she soon won't think of me as the most beautiful mom, (she said that. i melted). i kept up on laundry and put it away. i wrote in my calendar and made plans for next week. i reached out to old friends and new friends. i started reading a book and watched not very much tv. i played with my sister, i put down my phone. i appreciated nic. i set goals. i smiled. i got ready. i swam in the deep end with one three month old and one wild three year old and loved it. i made yummy, healthy dinners. i read my scriptures every time i felt discouraged. i kept our room cleaned. i forgave myself. i didn't complain (as much). i planned ahead.

there are still 300 things i didn't do that i need to do. i'm not all i want to be. but, for the first time in a while i felt confident in my parenting, i felt like i deserved the love and sacrifice of my husband, and i felt the constant direction and presence of the holy ghost and its promptings.

this is a high. i can't wait for next friday, to see where i am and to see where i can improve. thank heavens that this life is a test of perfecting ourselves because i would never pass the first time.

choices.

our life is a series of choices. from the moment our eyes open we make them and they define our days, our mood, and ultimately our life.

on saturday, january 6, 2014 was the founders park stake youth fast. it was a really great activity that i had gone to last year and though i should probably go. since having fitzger, i haven't been to much more than an hour or two of church each week. i had missed that nourishment that comes from being in meetings surrounded by fellow saints. but, we had dinner plans with nic's parents. and i felt frumpy and chubby, and so i wasn't up to it.

but we drove to the stake center on our way home from dinner. nic didn't want me to leave either but he knew i should go, i needed it and the girls were missing me. so... i walked in sat down and i felt like i was coming home. it felt so great to be there. i loved chatting, laughing, and smiling with our beautiful youth. oh how i love those sweet young women and the other leaders. i met a new friend who had just been called into yw since i had fitzy. her daughter is in rubes primary class and i was so excited for a new found friend, it had been a constant struggle being in the founders park stake over the past four years. but... i had finally found my place, i had found friends, i felt like we really fit in.

i chatted with nettie, and we talked about how their housing plans kept falling through the cracks. i kept having the strongest thought in my head or voice or whatever you could describe it as, "nettie is going to live in your house, nettie and james and austin are going to live in your house, the hammonds are supposed to live in your house". annoying! I had just decided we fit, i had just come to terms that this is where we should be, we felt comfortable and happy. oh man. but there was a plan... a plan to go to graduate school and a plan to make things happen for our future. though we were comfortable where we were we had dreams we were chasing.

i started texting nic. rent payments. ideas. by sunday word had spread that the hammond's were moving into our house. i called my mom and presented the idea of moving into their house. they of course thought it was the happiest idea ever. my parents are angels. we started praying and fasting and went to the temple. it was more than clear that is what we should be doing. things literally fell into place.

my sister has a storage unit and offered to let us store everything in that. which not only saved us money but a lot of hassle. blessings come in many ways. we are lucky to be blessed so continually.

my parents cleared out their bedrooms upstairs, we packed everything we've ever known. we hired movers. we scrubbed base boards and cleaned out the fridge. we patched holes.

the last night we stayed on our mattress on the floor of the master bedroom. the same place we slept on october 29, 2009.

we reflected on all the dinners we ate, all the movies and tv shows we watched, our wiii we bought the first christmas and how we refused to leave until we conquered super mario bros. the gallons of paint we used. the many loads of laundry that were washed, dryed and put away. the five christmas' we spent in that family room. the two babies we made and brought home and cuddled and kissed. the fun friends we made, how we grew into the jones family.

as we drove away just after midnight. we noticed that the U hospital in daybreaks chopper was about to take off. nic has talked about seeing it land or take off for three years. it was so sweet that we got to watch it! finally.

the first night at my parents house we spent on the mattress in the middle of the room. we were so tired and so happy. and so blessed to be where we were. we couldn't wait to find out where the next little place we would make our home would be.

i can't sleep.

I can't sleep, which is bad because my baby wakes up around 5am. I feed him and call it the boobie buffet because I don't have the energy to get out of bed and take him back to his bed. So we cuddle/eat for a good three hours. That is until we hear the pitter patter pitter patter of big sis. Oh that big sis comes in and snuggles under the big white fluffy. Daddy has left and it's just the three bears in a big bed. If the door is closed and the curtains are shut. We often fall back asleep. It's probably against every parenting book out there to sleep in the same bed as your children especially until 9 or sometimes almost ten. But... we do it. Because I know that most days don't start this good.

i know that this bed won't last forever. The big white fluffy will someday not be big enough for me and my family. I know that this room where I've spent over four years falling asleep in, will someday be the safe place for another family. That the fan on, the top sheet off, the door open, the blinds closed, won't be that big of a deal anymore. The ice water rings on our dressers, the wet diaper sitting to the right of the pail because i missed (again) at 5am, the dirty clothes on the floor, the pink Min or Twang doll that was drug in won't lie on the floor any longer.

Nic always falls asleep before me now days. I hate it. I listen to him breathe and I just want to shake him awake. He's my best friend and I feel lonely not having him talking to me or responding to my random thoughts as I read my scriptures, check insta, or finish a chapter of my book. He's a tired guy, providing for a family of four is expotentially more work, and i want a thousand kids. I think he is tired just because he has some idea of what we are in for. So he catches as much sleep as possible. He follows the missionary schedule, too many good things we learned on our mission. How would life be for us Jones' without those fundamental life lessons.

The Lord does Bless Us. That's what I'm sure of. I am sure that in the middle of the night when I go check on the heavy breathers in a messy messy room. And when my husband insists on putting his leg over my leg so I won't be tempted to go watch TV and fall asleep on the couch only to complain that it was the worst night sleep ever. I know that I was meant to be a wife to him and a mama to these babies. I know it was ALL that everything before I became that was intended for. So that I would be more patient and more kind and more organized and more loving.

I have so much work to do, it's overwhelming to say the least. But if this is what I'm here for, I better just get working. Because there is no where else I'd rather be.

2014.

I am a goal setting, list making, planner using fool. i love paper products and gel pens more than any person i know. it's more than a love, it's an addiction. i could spend hours choosing one for general conference weekend in target (my go-to journal shop!).

but the truth is. i don't EVER cross of everything on my list. truth is i make lists and forget them. i don't accomplish most of the goals that i set. and my planners have empty weeks in them. regardless, my intention to do good, be better, and stay on top of my game are always there.

i love new beginnings. i love mondays. i love the morning. i love when my house is spotless. i love starting projects. i love opening a new book. i love new years. i love birthdays. i love starting fresh.

but sometimes, i only make it to january 2 without a diet coke. and i often skip the run i planned for and laid my clothes out and set my alarm for. i admit that my lofty saving for disneyland trips plans get foiled by a need for new tires.

2014, so far is the same as 1986-2013 for me when it comes to new years resolutions. i haven't failed though, at any of my goals. i have fallen short. but it's not over. 2014, is going to be one of the best years of my life. i know that because besides 2001, I think every year has been pretty great for me. i am lucky.

in 2014 i wanna.... read more. run more. love more. laugh more. be clean. get organized. blog more. count to ten. smile bigger. wear lip liner. give gifts. teach. learn a lot. get skinnier. buy cute clothes. travel everywhere. write more blog entries. kiss more. cuddle more. walk more. move more. watch less. waste less. hang with les. dejunk. simplify. cherish. finish everything. texas. be loyal.


these are just a few.
but i wanna look back and know i gave it my all.
gave ruby my best mom tricks.
gave nic my most supportive wife.
gave fitz my whole attention.
gave the lord my whole heart.
gave myself a chance to do the hard things.