me.

i have an uninterrupted weekend to myself. i am all alone in a hotel room. my dream. i have no kids, no husband (except in the evening!). room service. swimming pools. four books. and of course my laptop, phone and ipad. what the hell is wrong with me. technology is obsessive, don't you think?

one of the many things on my list of things to do when i'm not doing anything (i'm a list-er, ok!). is to blog. blog about life. our past, our future, my feelings, and of course my kids. but this whole weekend was supposed to be dedicated to flooring, me, and my marriage. here i am thinking about how dang great my kids are and how much i miss them.

what in the world is wrong with me? can't i ever just think about myself for like seven seconds. i know that i think about myself more than that. but really. i'm kinda getting bored. i want to go to the pool, but i get sad because i won't have my swimming machine with me. i want to take a nap but my boobs are too full of milk and i'd much rather feed fitz and take a nap then pump THEN take a nap. mommy woes.

if fitz or ruby ever read this blog in the future and think, my mom is a weirdo. they are probably right.


i am a weirdo. i am a lost soul. i don't know how to define me without being a wife and a mom and i find that pretty unusual.

so i will start by defining myself physically.

i am 5' 9" (even though nic thought i was at least two inches taller than that)
i have a chubby belly.
i like my legs and wish that i used them to run more often.
i have blue eyes, a big bottom lip and a very pointy nose.
i have stubby fingers and skinny wrists.
my ankles are smaller than my skinny wrists and sometimes i think i will collapse from carrying my body on such tiny ankles.
i like my hair short and blonde but sometimes grow it out (now) and dye it brown *yuck.
i don't pluck my eyebrows because it hurts too bad and always wait too long to get them waxed.
i wish i had teeth like dr. mcdonough teeth. i feel like i will make my kids go to him no matter what. best teeth ever.

i am not shy, but i have developed a little anxiety. all my life i made best friends everywhere i turned and now i kinda feel stressed meeting new people. more so i feel timid, which isn't like me.
i love to be happy and have fun. i actually feel like marrying nic has made me more thirsty for fun than ever before. he's taken all the red (power) out of me and made me motivated by fun.
i am obsessed with the color personality test and have been for about 11 years. i think about everyone by color and it's so weird.

i get really really really crazy when i'm hungry. it makes me think i am hypo hyper hypie glycemic or whatever because things get trazy. i cry, i yell, i sweat. it's a really rough life i live. just get me some food. it's gotten worst as i get older. it's like i never quit being pregnant and need that constant nourishment.

when i was little i had to have three meals (never snacks) a day. if we ate a late lunch or breakfast i would demand a third meal. i think this is where my above problem comes from.
when i said that i was a weirdo about meeting new people. there is one exemption from that rule. 12-18 year olds. i have a sick, weird obsession with young women and the youth in the world. i just like them. i am opposite of everyone when i say i'd prefer to teach middle school. give me some raging hormones, awkward brace face, i don't know if i should wear a bra or deodorant and i'm guaranteeing best friend status within a week.

i really really like being a mom. i get tired of it and i get impatient. but i think that having these two kids with me at all (or most) times is just the perfect antidote to me wanting to be everyones best friend. i love story time, bath time, pregnancy, dress up, tag, swimming lessons, i love it all. i never realized i would like it so much. but i really just enjoy my role as a mom. i like solving problems and working on different things. i enjoy sleep training, potty training, teaching rub letters and fitz how to crawl. i like it. i like being the one who knows how to fix them and i like the challenge of not knowing how to fix them and researching, praying, brainstorming and coming up with solutions that will make life better.

i love to cook. i really really like to make food for my family and friends. i like recipe books and blogs. i like grocery shopping and meal planning. it brings me this weird satisfaction. and i am pretty good at it. because cooking is actually easy, you just follow instructions. i don't like when i don't have what i need to make something i want though. then i like cafe rio.

i love using the last bit of anything. toothpaste, peanut butter, i love scraping it out. i never EVER would open two of the same thing. and when people do. it makes me go trazy (nic).

i want to be a runner. it's one of my life goals. really it's my goal to run a marathon by the time i'm 30. and i love it. i'm not good at it. i'm not consistent. but i enjoy it. i think it makes me feel like i'm a superhero.

when i love something, i get a little obsessive. i think about the things i like and i realize that it's pretty weird how much i like them. wisconsin, yw, girls camp, oakcrest, ice cream (not yogurt, not soft serve, but an actual scoop of ice crea!), tatziki sauce, pie crust, my little sister, the burton girls, leslie, my kids, my dad, my husband, netflix marathons, take out, eating in bed, summer, fake eyelashes, planning, pennant banners, pens, organization, long drives, the fall, hotels, vacations, disney, books, reading, social media, the gospel, the book of mormon, all things "mormon", my nanny, games, outside, camping, sales, new clothes, toms, wedge sandals, chambray shirts, pinstripes, side braids, water in a bottle.

my right eye is horrible. i can't see very well.