i got it down.

the days when you feel like a great mom, a happy wife, and an accomplished human being are few and far between. at least for me. i doubt myself far too often. i look for the support and encouragement from others (especially my husband!). but i don't often think to myself, hailey, you have it down.

except this week. we have had a wild and crazy last four months. from ruby's birthday and being 35 weeks pregnant, to our anniversary, halloween, new baby fitz, thanksgiving, the holidays, finishing school up, christmas, new years, one calm week, vegas, deciding to move, packing, moving, and having two sweet sweet sweet young souls to feed, bathe, nourish, teach, love, etc... it's been a lot. i knew it was the perfect time to have baby because i had my life down with ruby. i kept up my house, i made dinners, i taught ruby, i worked out, we all slept.

so i knew during this chaos i had to keep going with the things that were working.

things that work at my house, DEEP cleaning your house every friday.

things that weren't working at my house.

bedtime.

moving into my parents house is an incredible, scary, life changing and generous blessing from both the lord, the hammonds, and my parents. we literally packed everything we own in two weeks and moved it to a storage unit (thank you dommy!). we took our clothes, mine and nic's bedroom set, our computers, and a few choice items to my parents (including toothbrushes!). but... my life is literally in a storage unit.

we moved in on friday night and had a whirlwind weekend of unpacking, projects, cleaning and our new ward. nic found out monday he was going to vegas tuesday. and tuesday was the longest day of my life. promise i looked at the clock every 12 minutes from 4pm until bedtime.

but i did also say a prayer.

basically... i have to do this. this is what i chose. this is where you've guided us. help me do it. show me how. show me and i'll do it.

but i already knew. i knew areas where i was lacking, areas i needed improvement, and a couple areas i was doing ok at. i told nic, if i want six kids i have to be the best mom i can be. if i want number three i have to take control and be on top of these two.

so i went to work. i enforced bedtime, five nights in a row. five nights in a row my children slept from 730/8 to 730/8. i scheduled playdates and ran errands that needed to be ran. i enjoyed being a momma and read more books in a week then i had in all of january. i sat on the floor. i curled ruby's hair at 7pm and put on lip gloss and blush because playing dress up is so fun and she'll only be three years old for twelve months. and she soon won't think of me as the most beautiful mom, (she said that. i melted). i kept up on laundry and put it away. i wrote in my calendar and made plans for next week. i reached out to old friends and new friends. i started reading a book and watched not very much tv. i played with my sister, i put down my phone. i appreciated nic. i set goals. i smiled. i got ready. i swam in the deep end with one three month old and one wild three year old and loved it. i made yummy, healthy dinners. i read my scriptures every time i felt discouraged. i kept our room cleaned. i forgave myself. i didn't complain (as much). i planned ahead.

there are still 300 things i didn't do that i need to do. i'm not all i want to be. but, for the first time in a while i felt confident in my parenting, i felt like i deserved the love and sacrifice of my husband, and i felt the constant direction and presence of the holy ghost and its promptings.

this is a high. i can't wait for next friday, to see where i am and to see where i can improve. thank heavens that this life is a test of perfecting ourselves because i would never pass the first time.

choices.

our life is a series of choices. from the moment our eyes open we make them and they define our days, our mood, and ultimately our life.

on saturday, january 6, 2014 was the founders park stake youth fast. it was a really great activity that i had gone to last year and though i should probably go. since having fitzger, i haven't been to much more than an hour or two of church each week. i had missed that nourishment that comes from being in meetings surrounded by fellow saints. but, we had dinner plans with nic's parents. and i felt frumpy and chubby, and so i wasn't up to it.

but we drove to the stake center on our way home from dinner. nic didn't want me to leave either but he knew i should go, i needed it and the girls were missing me. so... i walked in sat down and i felt like i was coming home. it felt so great to be there. i loved chatting, laughing, and smiling with our beautiful youth. oh how i love those sweet young women and the other leaders. i met a new friend who had just been called into yw since i had fitzy. her daughter is in rubes primary class and i was so excited for a new found friend, it had been a constant struggle being in the founders park stake over the past four years. but... i had finally found my place, i had found friends, i felt like we really fit in.

i chatted with nettie, and we talked about how their housing plans kept falling through the cracks. i kept having the strongest thought in my head or voice or whatever you could describe it as, "nettie is going to live in your house, nettie and james and austin are going to live in your house, the hammonds are supposed to live in your house". annoying! I had just decided we fit, i had just come to terms that this is where we should be, we felt comfortable and happy. oh man. but there was a plan... a plan to go to graduate school and a plan to make things happen for our future. though we were comfortable where we were we had dreams we were chasing.

i started texting nic. rent payments. ideas. by sunday word had spread that the hammond's were moving into our house. i called my mom and presented the idea of moving into their house. they of course thought it was the happiest idea ever. my parents are angels. we started praying and fasting and went to the temple. it was more than clear that is what we should be doing. things literally fell into place.

my sister has a storage unit and offered to let us store everything in that. which not only saved us money but a lot of hassle. blessings come in many ways. we are lucky to be blessed so continually.

my parents cleared out their bedrooms upstairs, we packed everything we've ever known. we hired movers. we scrubbed base boards and cleaned out the fridge. we patched holes.

the last night we stayed on our mattress on the floor of the master bedroom. the same place we slept on october 29, 2009.

we reflected on all the dinners we ate, all the movies and tv shows we watched, our wiii we bought the first christmas and how we refused to leave until we conquered super mario bros. the gallons of paint we used. the many loads of laundry that were washed, dryed and put away. the five christmas' we spent in that family room. the two babies we made and brought home and cuddled and kissed. the fun friends we made, how we grew into the jones family.

as we drove away just after midnight. we noticed that the U hospital in daybreaks chopper was about to take off. nic has talked about seeing it land or take off for three years. it was so sweet that we got to watch it! finally.

the first night at my parents house we spent on the mattress in the middle of the room. we were so tired and so happy. and so blessed to be where we were. we couldn't wait to find out where the next little place we would make our home would be.