Regulator.

When I was in the directorship up at Oakcrest Girls Camp, I worked with three of the most dynamic, faithful, fun, entertaining, and loyal friends I’ll ever know. I loved every moment of my time there, learning about being in a “presidency”, working together, and learning about myself.

We had nicknames for each other; Gecko-Hover, Mac-Clueless, Slaw-Clarifier. I was the Regulator. I have decided that the title fits me (unfortunate at times) all too well. I notice that as I ask Ruby to get off her chair to pick up the eggs she had spilled while she was eating breakfast, I notice this when Nic walks into the house and puts his Tupperware from lunch in the sink, and I notice this when I looked around my office this summer in preparation for Katy’s wedding and girls camp.

I am a great delegater. I can assign chores/jobs/tasks with the best of them. But, I then swoop on in and regulate how they are done or I just do them myself (which was the case of the eggs this morning and the Tupperware last night). It’s a bad habit in my family for at least these reasons.

1-Nic is dependable. Nic does what he says he is going to do, every time. He doesn’t do it how I want, he doesn’t do it when I want. But he never fails me at actually performing the task. I know if I left the dishes in the sink, he would have gotten to them. But, I am too impatient. Plus, I had just cleaned the kitchen. I also think I was happy to just do it, but wanted to ask him because I like to make sure he is helping around the house.

2- Ruby is learning. She is learning how to pick up after herself, how to sweep up, how to wipe up. She is learning to eat over the plate, she is learning to do chores and help around the house. When I interrupt Ruby’s meal, she gets distracted from eating. She will clean it up, she is the best helper and so what if smooshy eggs get smooshied in my floor, they can and will be mopped soon enough.

3-I am frazzled. My life is busy though I’m “just” a stay-at-home momma. Especially now days my life is filled with work, school, preschool, meal prepping, laundry, young women’s, cleaning, friendships/relationships, errands, drive time. And I can let go of a few of these things that I regulate, such as when the dishes are put in the dishwasher. I can give up one of the crafts at girls camp. I can ask for help and then… let the helpers help. I don’t let those around me serve me very often because I’m too busy regulating.

Though Oakcrest was seven summers ago, I am still learning lessons I should have learned then. I want to keep my abil ity to regulate and make things happen while still allowing others to do their part. I want to not feel like the weight is always on my shoulders. And the way to do that is by letting go, even just a little.